Hey Fuzzybear, hang in there please, you're doing really well for making it this far, believe me. Which shows me, no, you're not a coward at all. But I can definitely relate to how much of a struggle it can be. I think the memories of the struggle itself have given me additional traumas[!] Oh my gosh.

But I'd just like to say - I went off meds for 12 months to see if I could overcome my symptoms on my own, but it turned out to be a total nightmare for me. Awful, awful. So, I went to my doctor [yes, one of those people] and I started taking citalopram [a common anti-anxiety med] and it's helped. It's a relief. I didn't want to go on meds for many different reasons but glad I'm taking the citalopram for anxiety now. And also, I have two doctors who are both good, nice people - listeners. Sure, they might say things that make me think 'hang on a minute' but that's okay, I trust them. But I gave my last doctor of many years the boot for not being up to scratch, yes.

Maybe you can give it another try, to find a therapist or doctor who you're okay with, Fuzzy? There are some good ones, even in the U.K., I'm sure. If it turns out to be an awful experience for you then, that would be horrible, but you're already having a horrible time anyway Fuzzybear, which is very saddening. It's a flippin' tough road having psych issues, I know. ((((big_hugs!!))))