how do you feel about death

do you want to die?

(I mean apart from the wanting to be chopped up thing,) how is your life and your outlook?

I know you said about the upper body strength and being disabled, must be tough for you.

who do you have to help you?

I guess in the end what I'm asking is.. does this come from the fact you think you deserve death, and deserve it in the worst possible way, or does it come from something else- like you are just obsessed with horror