how do i get a diagnosis?
i ended up here because the way i handled my last relationship and my thoughts subsequent to it have led me to think i have BPD. A sort of self diagnosis.
All i know is i hate the girl so much but im dying at the thought of being without her.
And she is so calm and resolute about the whole thing. In contrast, im a freakin mess.
i was supposed to call her last night but i kept putting it off. I didnt really want to talk to her.
Then i went all day without messaging her today.
She tried frantically to reach me but i kept ignoring her calls.
By the time i felt like responding, she had decided i was wearing her out and she was sick of my %#@&#!.
Now im devastated.
The only thing i can do to empower myself is listen to black metal which sort of puts me in a rage ... a welcome change to despair.

whats to GO here?