Life... it hurts too much :-(

TRIGGER

Maybe I “should” delete this, it’s true I do get triggered by other people’s posts sometimes,

BUT if I ever unintentionally “trigger” even one person then I’m a Criminal. It’s always been that way, one rule for the World and another Ugly Rule for fuzzy bear :-(. ... since early childhood, literally, I can’t freakin “move on” from being me -/

I just read this rant (whine :-( ) Why am I even writing it? Because I haven’t completely “given up” Maybe (?)

I read of an 83 (?) year old former maths teacher, an active Right to Die campaigner, who was diagnosed with “one too many chronic illnesses” and refused food and then drink, (and passed away with her family around her) ...her family supported her, they said they were “proud” of her.

I know this is potentially triggering stuff. There are always some who want to ram the opinion down our throats that “suicide is selfish and stupid” ..

I was taken out of nappies when I was 1 year old because my “tummy was too fat”

I was such a “horrible greedy baby” :-(

“My therapist” told me I was “a needy child”

HOW THE **** DOES THAT “HELP”

I’m still “a needy person” according to abusers. I “should” keep to myself and never speak. I “should” swallow the meds I’m allergic to but which (unfortunately) do not kill me :-(

I had a similar experience to others here when I first consulted a GP for “help”. His lack of understanding was astonishing. I read what he wrote about me. . HORRIBLE UGLY TWISTING OF MY WORDS AND EXPERIENCES . AND AN UGLY LABEL which was actually true about HIM.

He did refer me for “help” as I refused to be fobbed off by his increasingly invalidating and cruel platitudes, the “help” was an Abuser.

Now I’m too tired, depressed and scared to subject myself to that sort of “help” again

Something else happened with two other “professionals” (irl) - too scary to speak of and why I want to die

Not encouraging I know. I was told by one doctor things would “get better” as I
“got older”..(I somewhat believed her..) They haven’t

So it seems that those who labelled me as “beyond help” were not without some cruel sort of “insight”

But still I hang onto that “rope” - for today