blue, I'm going to throw something out there. Please understand that I am doing so of out care for you, and because I really like you. I want to see you find peace.

I frequently doubt my diagnosis of BD. It happens in between cycles. Then when one of my BD symptoms strikes I say to myself, "Oh, yeah.....maybe I do have BD..." .

A hallmark BD symptom for me is when I get stuck on a thought, an idea, or the pursuit of *whatever*. The *whatever* can be anything from I must change my hair color (it becomes the focus of my life; I will over draw my bank account to get my hair done...if I cannot do it right now I feel extremely agitated, frantic, and hopeless) - to believing that someone I love is ill and I must, must find out what's wrong, then google for hour after hour to "diagnose", then google about what it means that I'm having the belief, then google to find out how I can better cope with the compulsion I'm having, but that's not precise enough, so I MUST speak with a medical professional immediately because, and, and...it just won't stop, just won't stop. Whatever the subject of my rumination is, the end result is that I feel like I'm being tortured by my own mind.

You've been having a rough go lately. The rumination you're experiencing about your diagnosis sounds like a BD "spin of the wheels". You're grinding at your mind, it seems, to have the perfect diagnosis, to feel like your diagnosis is the exact "fit". That said, I am not qualified to diagnose you (as you know). I fully support you speaking with your pdoc about the concerns you're having - and certainly, talk with a second pdoc if that's an option.
Whatever happens, however it all works out, please know that we are here for you.