Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricManatee
LT, I have actually started to like your T's approach more since he started to soften a bit with you. I can see why you're sticking with him. But one thing that really struck me about your most recent In Session post is when he told you that it's important to tell you what he thinks and feels about the things that you share, and then he immediately followed that up by saying that he thinks it's important for you to listen to and trust your internal voice first. Except he's just sharing his voice/opinion, not asking about yours.
It seems clear at this point that he knows you don't pose a safety risk to him (in terms of stalking or having delusions about the relationship, etc). Having established that, I think it's so odd that he's not exploring what your attachment behaviors mean to you and what they mean about how you feel about yourself. That's the paydirt he is kicking aside. I do similar things like look at my T's picture, and I have talked about why and what it means to me several times. I would NEVER tell a non-therapist about doing that kind of thing. I'm not sure I would even feel the urge to do it with a non-therapist. But one point of therapy can be to talk about yourself and your inner process and how you feel about human connections. If he is taking the perspective of a friend or your husband or some other person in your life, he seems to be completely missing the point that his role is to be your therapist.
Somewhat relatedly, the percentage thing seems really unhelpful. 5% bothered and 95% what? Thrilled? Unbothered? If he says something is 100% okay, does that guarantee that everybody else in your life will also be totally okay with it? What if his 5% is his weird hang-up that has nothing to do with you? Why does he focus on sharing the tiny negative part when I'm guessing you already have a surplus of negative feelings and beliefs about yourself?
I also want to say that for me, I have grown out of some of the more puzzling attachment-related things I used to need. They're not behaviors that are part of my adult life or coping skills but rather remnants of me trying to fulfill unmet needs. So I think it's more helpful to focus on the underlying emotions and to trust that the habits or behaviors will fade away when they aren't necessary anymore.
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Thanks for digging up this thread! You make some really good points here...and I'm honestly considering sharing parts of this (anonymously!) with T tomorrow. I am curious as to what the 95% is--indifference maybe? Being flattered that someone wants to look at his pic? (He seems rather vain.)
But yeah, in saying to him, should I not share things like looking at photos in the future? I was saying how I thought it could have therapeutic value, but he seems more concerned about his reaction to it--or perhaps my reaction to his reaction? But I also find it interesting that I look at pics of him (and the photo he thought I meant isn't the one I was looking at--it's still a public one), but didn't so much look at pics of ex-MC, but used other ways to deal with that attachment (see: stuffed elephant). I was saying in session how I have trouble internalizing people's care for me--this is a clear symptom of that. So I want him to help me with that (not just of him, but others in my life).
And that's a good point about asking what my voice is--like how do I feel about looking at the photos? I mean, the fact that I'm sort of confessing suggests shame, but honestly, I don't see too much wrong with it. One of these days, I'm going to compile a bunch of posts from random people on PC like from Dear T, hand it to him, and say, "See? It's not just me!!!"