Hi everyone,
This is my first post here. I'm a 20 year old woman. I'm at the end of my rope and kind of wanted to see if any of my experiences were familiar to you or if I'm just feeling sorry from myself.

Firstly I suffer from emetophobia (phobia of vomiting) which is bad enough in itself, but other issues in my life have made me incredibly unhappy, possibly depressed. I can't trust anyone, even those close to me (of which there are very few). I'm convinced everyone talks about me behind my back and no one misses me when I'm not there. I can't let anyone near me because I'm convinced they will use me or hurt me. I can't talk to people and I tend to hide away on my own a lot. People seem to think I'm very standoffish and no one knows how to talk to me. Everyone laughs at me when I walk past, and yet at the same time I'm telling myself that I'm superior.Former friends always treated me like second best, because something else was always more important. I am deeply unhappy, feeling worthless and can't focus on anything. My whole life seems meaningless. I have absolutely no self confidence: I believe no one is attracted to me, no one wants to be near me. Even my therapist, who I only saw once, seems to have dumped me. I was prescribed antidepressants during the summer but chose not to take them as I didn't like the side effects. I feel as though any choice I make in life would be like settling for second best, because everything seems so hopeless and nothing is as good as my fantasies. Right now I'm waiting for my parents to leave the house so I can cry or break something. I do self harm when I feel bad, because it's a pain I can handle. Everyone has something better than I do, and I'm instantly jealous of anyone in the spotlight, especially other women. I could go on, but I'm making myself even more unhappy trying to think of these things!

I know I haven't been diagnosed with anything. I'm not a kid. I've had problems since I was 11 and now they're taking over my life. Do any of my experiences sound familiar to you nice people, or am I depressed, or am I just creating my own misery? Should I speak to my doctor? I would really appreciate some input, even if someone just wants to tell me to go away!