It's good that you are willing to talk about this challenge. The kind of fantasy you are describing is reflecting how you struggle to work through your past of somehow being hurt or rejected. The solution coming out in your fantasy reflects that you don't know any other real way to understand, deal, resolve, so the solution is to get rid of the problem and yourself. Given that you are still so young yet, along with the fact that you are in the raging hormonal years, means you genuinely do not have the maturity to know what to do with your deep anger and resentments and emotional injuries. Actually, your brain isn't fully developed yet either, that doesn't happen until around age 25.

The important thing for you to remember is that if you did act out this fantasy, it would do NOTHING to actually "fix" whatever you experienced that created your deep frustrations. The individuals that have somehow hurt you and let you down are "ignorant" and elimination NEVER fixes that. Also, the desire to find a "friend" to do this with you only means you are looking for another hurt and angry resentful individual when what you SHOULD be looking for is a "friend" that you can learn from and actually HEAL with and instead of destroying what hurts you seek to "enlighten" in ways that are much better at bringing true awareness and knowledge instead of ignorance.