Quote:
Originally Posted by seeker33
So II had this discussion with my T about CBT. It doesn't work for me, I'm literally allergic to it and I get anxiety and stress as soon as she tries to use it on me. I have to say she's open to doing simple talk and exposure most of the time, so that's fine.
However yesterday she said I have a cognitive distortion. I was saying that I'd feel weird about going to the meet up from high school after 10 years. The reason is that I'm 30 and still living in my parents house (although they live elsewhere atm so technically I live alone but the property is their). I work in a family business that's far below my education level. The only "normal" thing I do is private tutoring a few times a week. No boyfriend, no children, my friends live far away, we keep in touch online.
So I said that I think it's normal to feel weird compared to my peers (I went to a high school for highly intelligent students and all of them are very ambitious).
I also said that I in my inner feeling believe I'm strong and had to show great courage in my life. That I may be stronger than my peers in some ways. However I said that compared to standards of normal healthy population I'm a loser.
I think what I said is quite realistic and rational.
My T says it's a cognitive distortion.
Is it?
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I think the belief that you are a "loser" is the cognitive distortion. It's even internally inconsistent with what you said about being strong and having shown great courage. Where's the "losing" in that?
If your belief is that others from your prestigious high school would see you as a loser because of your job or living situation or the "failure" to have social accessories such as children or a boyfriends, that's one thing. In that case if you okay with how you are living your life, then that would suggest you ignore people who judge you for this.
But if you truly believe you are a "loser" then that suggests you want something different for yourself, and that the natural follow-up to that is you would be out looking for a different place to live or a different job or a way to get out there and date or make plans to be a single mother. It doesn't sound like that's what you want or what you're aiming for.
I think the problem with cognitive distortions is that they keep you stuck in certain patterns of behavior. Such as, oh, I'm such a loser, I couldn't possibly go to a reunion with people (some of whom are probably just like you, making choices other than being highly ambitious) who are so much better than me. Maybe this is a good thing, but maybe your belief about your "loser" status keeps you stuck and isolated.
Or maybe it's something like "I'm such a loser, and I can't change my life no matter how much I want to. I have to live at home, I have to work in the family business, I can't find anyone to date, etc etc etc."
I have found in my experience with therapy that therapists are particularly unlikely to collude in your negative beliefs about yourself, whether they are CBT oriented or not. I don't think CBT is the problem per se, but an unwillingness to engage in less distorted thinking it.
Nobody can manipulate you into thinking about yourself positively, whether you call that "CBT" or something else. I also think that asking you to consider your beliefs and their impact on your life and whether it might be helpful for you to change your thinking is straight forward. Manipulation is not. Manipulation is not asking you directly, as your T is, it is an unstated motive intended to effect an outcome that is not out in the open. So I think you've got it exactly backwards, it is a suggestion that you consider changing your thinking. It is your choice whether to do so or not.