Thanks to my "new" job (hired in nov.17) - and its the only real one i've ever had), i earn more money now (about three times the old paycheck - and still it is considered a low income here, so go figure!). i never thought more money would change much but right now im starting to appreciate it more.

i can pay my car costs, my dentist and my therapist. i can also afford to buy some junk food "just because i feel like it" and hang out with my friend weekly having dinner out and going to cinema with her too sometimes.

but more than anything else, i can afford to but a few new clothing items. i've never even allowed myself to do window shopping because i didnt want to want or feel the need for anything. and if i ever really wanted anything i suggested it could be a present for Xmas… and… if it costed too much i didnt even do that. now, just an example: this year, after about 15 years of craving a certain clothe i finally gifted it too myself.

now, i can allow myself to buy a few pieces. im still very watchful of the price, and i well assure myself i really need it and i dont just do it because i feel like it at the moment, but if i judge its fair enough, i'll get it and i even get a few presents for my family and offer cafè or ice cream to some people important to me.…

this job has lead me to the dark hole a few times since i started (last time not long ago) but now for the first time im starting to see the positive side and im starting to even appreciate it and treasure it and consider myself lucky for having it, and i cant not say money is a huge part of what im getting out of it.

i dont like my job much, i dont get paid much, it drives me crazy often and i often feel like quitting, but for one time, right now, i need to say im thankful for this job and im trying to see at the brightest side of the whole thing.

more money does not necessarily mean more happiness, but in a small part, yes, it does. and me being happier makes people who love me happier too so. im glad. im thankful. im happy for having got this job. no matter how hard it is. there also is a good side of it. and i'll need to remind it to myself more and more often….