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Hi... I was wondering if anyone else does this. I keep lying to my therapist and psychiatrist, even though right before my appointments I try to work myself up to just say how things really are going for me- which are a lot worse than I tell them. I tend to lie about how I am feeling. Like, minimizing how depressed I am. Somehow, I feel like I need to make sure my therapist or psychiatrist are doing well and if I say that I am not doing so good-that they will feel badly. I don't want to make anyone else feel badly. I've done enough already to hurt this world. And yes, I am trying to work on my guilt and shame, but no matter how much I am working on it,I still blame myself for things that are not directly my fault.
I don't understand myself. I realize on a logical level that I am going there to get help, but they can't help me if I don't tell them what is going on.Yet, I just can't tell them that things are getting worse. I feel like I've lost hope to ever being well. I kind of want to quit going but don't know what that will mean in the long term.
Sorry if this is all over the place. I am having a hard time staying on one topic.
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MDD, GAD, PTSD
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