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Sky: WE are the outcasts...

I recall reading a book by Pema Chodron in which she shares the story of a young woman who finds herself in the position of being an outcast. I can't remember how she found herself there, but the important thing is that when she did, she also found herself identifying with every other human being who had ever been in that position. The act of feeling rejected, unworthy and not valued brought her closer to the rest of humanity as opposed to causing her to feel that she was separate from humanity.

In my own experience, I've learned that when people (and that includes myself) self-identify with being an outcast (or otherwise victimized in some manner) they are standing on treacherous ground because while there, one can get to feeling so sorry for themselves, and so defenseless and so angry that they move to righteousness. The trouble is, once you're mired in that space you can start feeling like you shouldn't have to be there. You can start telling yourself that everyone around you is wrong. And yet, there is nothing so special about us that we shouldn't have to feel the pain of feeling less than, cast out, unwanted, unworthy. However, if we do start to feel that we're special and we shouldn't have to feel that pain, we can move into a defensive counterattack and at this point, we can justify nearly any action regardless of how brutal, cruel or inhumane. The history of humanity is filled with examples of those who believed they were so special, they shouldn't have to feel the pain they feel; so special that they were entitled to inflict that same pain on others.

I recommend tonglen practice to all those who have ever felt the pain of being an outcast. There were some days when I breathed nothing but tonglen all day because I was in so much pain. And yet, this practice of taking on the pain of others, of identifying with where they felt pain, it took me out of my sense of being alone. It took me out of my sense of specialness and entitlement and victimhood, and instead, helped me understand that every human being, on some level, had known the pain that I was going through. I wasn't an outcast. I was a human being having a very human experience.

(I found the story)

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A young woman wrote to me about finding herself in a small town in the Middle East surrounded by people jeering, yelling, and threatening to throw stones at her and her friends because they were Americans. Of course, she was terrified, and what happened to her is interesting. Suddenly she identified with every person throughout history who had ever been scorned and hated. She understood what it was like to be despised for any reason: ethnic group, racial background, sexual preference, gender. Something cracked wide open and she stood in the shoes of millions of oppressed people and saw with a new perspective. She even understood her shared humanity with those who hated her. This sense of deep connection, of belonging to the same family, is bodhichitta.

Source: The Places That Scare You


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