Does anybody have any useful information on DBT, or courses they can recommend for not too much money? Any free exercises I could follow? Any recommended YouTube channels?
I'm not long out of a codependent relationship. It didn't last long and ended explosively in which fault and blame lays on both sides. Mental health problems also lay on both sides. I know he won't be a healthy person for me in the long run and although that hurts, it's the right decision to stick by.
I have BPD, though I'm actually in a reasonably stable place with it now. It hasn't felt like it recently, but in light of what I went through shortly after diagnosis (Oct 2016) and the following year, I know I'm in a much better place. I hit all 9 of the criteria at the time of diagnosis but am proud to say I haven't acted on any damaging impulsive behaviour, self harm or suicide ideation since the start of the year. Things are *slowly* moving in the right direction.
I need help with learning how to reign in the core issues, which I believe are firmly rooted in abandonment and invalidation - like most with BPD I guess. My ex invalidated me and what I needed much of the time, then wondered why I could become angry and/or aloof at the drop of a hat. I believe now this was down to a mix of both miscommunication and then him purposefully invalidating me toward the end once his own psychosis kicked in.
I've heard incorporating mindfulness can help, it's just learning the art of how to stop and do so when you can already feel that ball of raw emotion churning in your stomach? For me that will often take on the form of anger as well. Anger helps to protect me and to deal with the world around me. It helps me get things done. Helps me cope with anxiety and grief. Helps me to continue being a confident and protective mumma to my four babies.
I also know it isn't healthy though. It is the emotional equivalent of lashing out which has the potential to create further issues in the long run. I am capable of reigning it in sometimes - calming down and then channeling that raw emotion into my art or writing. Just not all of the time.
I also need help with identity conflict and hope DBT can also help with this? Other than being a mum and sort-of artist, I don't have much of a sense of identity and this will often lead to feeling lost and not knowing where I'm headed or what I want.
After a small string of one abusive relationship after another, I feel I need to take time out for me. I need to learn self love and appreciation because I'm rapidly learning I won't get it from anywhere else. My confidence isn't utterly ruined and on the floor, but it tends to show in the form of deep rooted anxiety and a severe lack of faith in most things around me.
Since the split from the ex, I've been out and put myself in new environments to try and help. I'm unhappy and uncomfortable at home for multiple reasons (which doesn't help things either), so I've spent time with two of my greatest loves lately; nature and my DSLR, and have explored a couple of new places. But ultimately right now I just feel lost. Ordinarily I'd like to embrace that, but this is really unsettling. I can't see my future or where I'm headed currently. Sometimes it looks positive, other times I feel I should do what my ex demanded of me -
I get that emotions are raw and not in a nice way after a break up, but this uncertainty about myself and my life is continuous and was happening before I met him, and will probably continue once the hurt has faded until I'm able to receive the help I need here. The mental health services where I'm based are awful to be honest, hence I'd like to be more proactive with self-care.
Any advice and suggestions would be really appreciated.