Just catching up about a week's worth of posts...
Agree with the others -- you're not a loser, NOT IN THE LEAST, so please don't beat yourself up, ok?
One thing that caught my eye several pages back was about mixed and its association with BP I. That used to be the case. But in the DSM-V, they've gone with this "features" thing. One of which is "mixed features", which can be attached to a BP 2 dx. Long/short, they've now recognized that mixed can happen to 2s too.
I really hope this situation improves for you soon!!!! (And that the pressing financial complexities resolve as well.) Lots of