Hello JJ: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I'm sorry I don't know as there is a lot I can suggest. The bottom line here, so to speak, from my perspective is that you only have control over what you do. And your bf is the only person who can control what he does or doesn't do. (In other words, you can't save him from himself.)

You wrote you feel you did not offer the correct support & you feel guilty for being an enabler. But really it is your bf's responsibility to do what he needs to do in order to address his issues. You mentioned he has refused counseling. If this man does not recognize that he has mental health issues, or recognizes he has them but chooses not to deal with them, as I wrote above... you can't save him. Yes, you may be correct. He may be throwing his life away. But in the end it's his choice. I know you wrote that you love him. But if he's unwilling to help himself, seeing him go may be for the best.

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of some interest:

You Can Only Change Yourself

Stop Trying to Change People Who Don't Want to Change | Happily Imperfect

Rescuing, Resenting, and Regretting: A Codependent Pattern | Happily Imperfect

Why Moving on from a Codependent Relationship Is so Difficult | Happily Imperfect

9 Best Ways to Support Someone with Depression

https://psychcentral.com/blog/tips-f...as-depression/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/11-way...-denial/?all=1

My best wishes to you...