For me the tough thing is knowing I will always have this disorder, even if it is well managed and knowing that if I stop my medication without a pdoc's close monitoring, I'm pretty much throwing myself to the wolves.

I had been misdiagnosed with major depression for over 10 years before I started on meds for bipolar. It wasn't a jump for joy moment, but at least with major depression, you have some hope that maybe the condition is situational, that maybe over time and with the right treatment, you can get past it. Although honestly, at the 10 year point, I was doubting that for myself too. I am so, so angry because if the medical professionals had asked all the right questions or asked them in a different way or not decided to blame everything on my eating disorder, they might have diagnosed me as bipolar much sooner and given me meds that actually helped. (I feel so long on SSRIs just did a number on my brain, making permanent changes). But they were quick to blame the eating disorder. "Oh, you haven't slept for 3 days? Well, that is obviously because the lack of nutrients are messing with your circadian rhythms..." But if they had asked, have you had sleep problems a long time (yeah, as long as I remember), have you gone more than 24 hr without sleep without feeling the need to sleep or being unable to sleep before you came to college (and got ill with anorexia)? Yep, to that too. They never even asked me about overspending money, and I had run the balances to the max on all my credit cards. They glossed over hypersexuality, and while it's true I didn't sleep around, I masturbated excessively, 3 or 4 hours some days.

I don't think my family fully accepts that this is a lifelong illness, and that I have come to terms with that. My husband thinks the medication is to blame for the way I am, but I honestly think it was too many years on the wrong meds. I think off my meds now, I would really be struggling. I don't think my sisters or mom, anyone really realizes that I am going to be bipolar for life, that it won't just go away.