Quote:
Originally Posted by sinking
I know this is wrong and childish and overreacting, but i get so pissed when my mom choses to give attention to other things/people rather than me. it makes me feel like anything is always more important than me.
i rationally know this is not true, but when she gives her attention to other things rather than me even when she knows i'd "need" her and i repeatedly asked for her to be with me and still choses to give her time and attention to others (especially when referred to certain other people), i go crazy and act so childish, like not talking to her, not doing what she asks me to do etc.
i know this is bad of me and i shouldnt but its stronger than me. its like i need to show her how angry and hurt she made me. because in our family, there always was something or someone more important and more needy than me. im sick of this. sick of always being put last and sick of my own reaction, expecting more than i always got….
what can i do?
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You clearly know that your behavior isn't really acceptable in that you admittedly state in the beginning that you know it is wrong and childish that you react as you do.
No one here can assess really whether what your interpretation of your mom's attention is at the level of being problematic, but we can only accept that this is your perception. From there the only real thing one can do is offer advice for handling what you perceive to be true.
That you feel you want more attention from your mother is what it comes down to and when ti comes to what to do about it, your t is the best person to help you cope and/or deal with the actual things outside of the idea that you communicate to your mother what you feel.
never accept the belief that any traits or behaviors are stronger than you. at that point you've given into them and you will succeed at fulfilling your belief system of failing to change. It's already decided when you state that the need is stronger than you. Instead remind yourself no matter how upset or angry you are, your actions are always going to be of your own doing, no invisible force makes you do these things and you have to make choices to change. Of course it seems impossible at the start but start small .. work with your t on this.
hope this helps.