I am starting to see a silver lining through my terrible history of abuse and isolation and my currently painful condition of living.

I might be lacking basic skills to socialize, but at least as my primary doc put it, I can still learn them after I get my crap together. I may be lacking fun in my life, but that doesn't mean I cannot attend parties later in my age. I may be lacking support, but first I need to get out of the toxic environment. I may be lacking friends, but that doesn't mean I cannot create my own Doctor Chemist Bikers' Club in my third year of med school. Two years to truly get my stuff together.

I am a human being. I have survived through all this crap. Sure my body may have broken down. And even as I have lost chunks of my mind, I can still do wonders with what is remaining of both. Sure, I know I cannot be a neurosurgeon. But that doesn't mean I cannot be a psychiatrist, neurologist, infectious diseases specialist, endocrinologist or specialize in one of the other 40 specialties that do not require physical stamina. I've noticed my sensory organs are fine. If I fix my strabisumus, I'd be a quite keen observer.

My memory's not the best. But that doesn't matter if I pass med school or even get into it. And I am pretty sure I am getting into med school, as the questions I am practicing get easier and easier. A bit of memorization coupled with tons of reasoning.

Will all of this not work out? Of course, perfectly. Anything can happen. But if I work step by step, managing myself, breaking the process down into chunks, it will most probably work.

- My first step would be to practice daily with the material I have got. Not lying, got the material for only one subject out of three total. But the examination's in May.
- My second step would be to solve mock test papers.
- My third step would be to get the **** out of my house.
- My fourth step would be to live in the college hostel.
- My fifth step would be to get a bike.
- My sixth step would be to focus on understanding and applying into practice the knowledge and not give a fk about tests.
- My seventh step would be to socialize really well.
- My eight step would be to attend parties 'till I pass out.

Sounds good.

I said, this looks like a job for me,
So everybody just follow me,
Cause we a little controversy,
Cause it feels so empty without me.

Who you gonna call when House fails you?
Doctor Chemist.