Pdoc is giving me 2 weeks to start pulling it together, get my weight going in the right direction. He asked what it was today, and I fibbed, told him the same number as last week though I think I might be down 1-2 lb.

He is right, I know. He told me if I have to run off stress as a coping mechanism, then I need to eat the proper diet of a long-distance runner of my height/sex/age. Intellectually, I know he is right. Does the eating disorder know? I doubt it.

I didn't run today. That's a start, even if it was only because I had the pdoc appt. in the morning, and I wanted to get showered beforehand and would not have had time to if I had run.

He said my mood seems mixed but didn't do anything about it. I get the feeling he thinks a good bit of it is circumstantial, and he's right. He did offer if I get any social worker to help me with getting disability to fill out the paperwork for that.

So I go back in 2 weeks unless I need to see him sooner. God, let's hope not.

I heard from the social worker person or whatever she is; she has to get a release emailed to me for me to sign before anything happens, and I haven't gotten the release yet. Went on the state of TX website again to try to apply for benefits, but it's just so much. I was overwhelmed, got panicky, took the low dose Seroquel and Klonopin and rested (didn't sleep, just lay there). Pdoc told me I should try taking half of the low dose Seroquel for the panic attacks since it is making me sleepy, but I didn't feel like digging out my pill splitter and cutting it up in the middle of a panic attack.

My mood is more stable than it was at the end of last week, and I think a good part of that is because my husband is in a better mood. So yeah, pdoc probably is right about the depression of the mixed mood being mostly situational.

Tried to help my daughter with her Spanish spelling & vocabulary words. She threw a fit and got all mad at me, stomping around, throwing things. I know she hates it because we're Anglo and do not speak Spanish at home and accent marks are tricky, let alone meanings for words that are not immediately obvious or used all the time. But God, does she think I love doing it? Because I can tell you, I hate it too! Bad mood right not because of my daughter's behavior to me

I have to fix dinner and have no appetite but need to eat.

I've had better days.