I am working on some of these issues in therapy as well, both in a general sense and also...specifically, dating. I'm a straight single woman, and wading into the dating world after a really ruinous relationship history has been a challenge, to say the least. I would not say that I have a serious issue with social anxiety all the time. Just where people are concerned. Hehehe.

I've struggled with whether or not T can help with this. I vacillate...sometimes I feel that she is doing very little...and sometimes I feel she is helping in a big way by checking in, making sure that I do carry out my plans, asking me how a specific interaction went, and questioning whether I'm paying attention to "real" signals about potential partners or whether I'm simply letting my anxiety run things. I find it difficult to be honest. Unfortunately, I have a history of whitewashing my social life and making it sound better than it is -- to myself, my co-workers and my family. I have taken the massive step to admit that I am lonely...a lot. And ironically, I find that in this, I am not alone.

I think it's really fascinating to think of my "chickening out" episodes as being about Impulse Control. I'm willing to entertain this idea and thank you for the poster who put it forward. Sometimes when I come up with a cockamamie excuse to NOT do things, I find myself really wondering: Where did THAT come in?

My T has helped me put self-care into the equation, so that when I succeed in my goal of going out to do things -- alone or in company, I can balance that out with a cozy night with my dog and a book.

I went through a period in therapy when I was taking stock of the relationships I DID have -- and discovering that they were pretty dreadful on balance. I had to take the step with my T to acknowledge that I have quite a few low-quality relationships, especially with women, who do not support me in a way that is healthy. You may know....frenemies. People who chronically cancel on me, borrow money from me as a basis for a relationship, ditch me when better offers appear, etc. These crummy relationships covered up the fact that I was pretty anxious about going out into the world to forge better ones. So I didn't. I figured that if you had a bad friend who left you waiting for a half an hour at a restaurant....you just brought a magazine and felt grateful that you had a friend at all. With my T, I learned how to insist on better treatment. Some of my connections blew up when I did this. A few of them got much, much better.

I do this weekly check-in with my T, taking stock of ALL my significant interactions. These days, I'm not processing very much in terms of recollections, but rather the therapy is taking place very much in the "here and now." I can chide myself gently when I "'chicken out" and I have someone in my corner when I try something new like a class or an event or just talking more than usual with a service person in a friendly way. I try not to be the one who cuts off a conversation that's going well. I try to be compassionate about having a hand in creating a lot of "friendships" that didn't include my needs. In some of them, I wasn't seen or heard at all.

Therapy that centers on social anxiety and building human connections can't be rare....so many people are in the same boat as I am. It's a journey. It's still frightening on a day to day basis, but it is getting better, one small step at a time.

Thanks for this thread.