Looking for some support or advice from those who have lost a loved one who they were very close to but was also the cause of their trauma and the reason they are in therapy? My father due to his mental illness and addiction has caused me endless pain and trauma growing up. He has always been a HUGE part of my life and whilst brought me so much hurt and heartache there was also lots of love at times. He passed two weeks ago. Although our relationship had somewhat improved in recent years mainly due to my ability to remove myself when things got toxic he always remained in denial and failed to acknowledge his hurt. I am not sure where I go from here. I feel numb with some sadness most days but other than that I feel 'fine' My life was so intertwined with worrying about him I don't know how to be or who I am without that.