My therapist is great apart from one issue - - he point blank refuses to hug me.
I've been with him a year now and I've found a lot of the sessions quite valuable. I've brought hugs up a few times, and he's always skirted the issue / said no. When he initially said no I even contacted other therapists in my area about hugs, as I saw this as very important. They all said they would never hug a client.
I've hoped this feeling would go away, but it's only intensified. So last Wednesday I told him I really felt I couldn't go further without hugs, that I felt they were integral to continuing. He still said no. I asked him if he'd touch my arm. He still said no. I shouted at him and stormed off in a huff at the end of session, something I have never ever done. I'm the perfect client - - punctual, polite, pay on time, and not even grappling with anything too major.
I'm now very stuck. I feel like continuing would be a betrayal to myself. But I know an 'I quit' text would just get an 'I'm sorry to hear that. Warmest wishes, S' text back which seems so abrupt and would hurt quite a lot.
But I'm loathe to throw away someone who has been so helpful. And if I quit I wouldn't return to therapy, as the reason I initially went had resolved, and I just go now to explore longstanding issues and improve my emotional skills.
Has anyone been where I am? Did you have a need that a T refused to accommodate? What did you do, and how did it play out longterm?
Just for the record, I want hugs so I can feel like I exist in the room with him, to know he cares, and because I think you can understand touch better than words.
It's not because I want to be special to him or want them for some romantic reason. Just want to know I'm important to him for an hour a week - - don't care what he thinks /does the rest of the time.
|