Thank you for the support, slumberkitty and whispershadow. I appreciate it.

I went to the appointment. I angled my body away from the therapist and pointed it towards the door so I could escape really quickly. Much good it did me.

Turns out she hadn't understood the text I'd sent on Friday. That made the whole situation even worse because that meant I had to explain it to her. I was so miserable. I managed to spend the whole session in agony, unable to make myself say what needed to be said. Then, right near the end, I asked if I could just say it quickly and leave. She said yes. I did so, though I was unable to make the words come out very fast. The therapist asked if we could talk about it more next session, but I was freaking out and ready to bolt. I said I didn't know and I needed to go. I was about to open the door, but she got up and stopped me. She said some stuff that I only vaguely remember. I think it was supposed to reassure me. Then I fled.

Later that night, I texted her that I don't think I should come anymore, but was clear that I wasn't terminating for C and wouldn't prevent her from coming if she wanted. The therapist responded this morning that she hopes I come back and we didn't have time to talk about what I had told her (which is good imo!).