Thank you for all your responses. They've helped me add some new thoughts to the mix and refine my thinking, instead of just going around in circles. I'm 80% leaning towards just ending it, but I'm still struggling. Luckily he's on holiday for two weeks.

DP I initially asked for handshakes, which he gave (but seemed really uncomfortable about). I suppose it's not just touch I want – I want a certain kind of touch.

I used to send him a text every other week, but he put the lid on that. I wish it were an option, but it's not really something that bothers me. It's a 'nice-to-have', but it's not a deal-breaker for me.

stopdog It's a good point, and I also realise not everybody feels the same way about touch I do. I've thought about other ways to meet this need, and I'm struggling to come up with an alternative. Is there something you do with the more touchy-feely friends that meets this need?

Thinking about it, I think that's another problem I had at my last session – he didn't seem particularly interested in how he could meet me halfway – he was only interested in telling me he couldn't.

Lemoncake Ha, good thinking! I'm lucky enough that I have a very affectionate husband, so it's not that I'm starved for touch, per se. Unfortunately, I specifically want touch from T.

fealican Hmmm...I have to disagree that true therapy hasn't started – I came in with a specific issue which has more or less resolved, and I come out with new insights nearly every week.

Regarding being the perfect client, perhaps I misspoke. In session I'm willing to cry, rant, be vulnerable and to feel my feelings (as well as I can anyways). I meant more that I'm an easy client to do business with – I show up, pay upfront and on time, rarely cancel (and if I do give plenty of notice). I've been that way for a solid year, so it's hard that he's willing to throw that relationship on the fire rather than bend a little.

I deal with demanding, selfish, completely unreasonable clients at my job all day long. You have to bend for clients to some degree, so it's maddening that he won't for me, especially as I've seen him for a year and never insisted on anything at all before.

Wildatheart Thank you so much for this; your post really resonated with me. Would it be OK to ask you to describe your experience in more detail, and tell me how it ended? My T is very blank slate and I often find it frustrating that he shares nothing with me. I have sessions at his home and literally don't know who else is in the house.

'Loss of dignity' is basically what I'm worried about – I feel that if I left now, I'd be able to say, "thanks for a business relationship that has been great until this week. But this isn't working anymore." If I stay, I feel like I'm staying out of habit or in hope that he'll eventually change his mind, which isn't good.

Do you remember what the article was called?

PurpleBlur I'm not someone who courts conflict or makes strong statements often. That's part of the reason I'm so sad that he hasn't taken this seriously. As I said in my post, I have searched for therapists in my area who offer hugs, but I haven't found anyone. I also have no interest in starting over and spending the money I would need to spend to build up the kind of relationship I have with my current T.

I don't feel I'm disrespecting him by getting angry with him – I could have easily hugged him as we passed in the hallway, or demanded he hug me. I have only said (well, shouted) that this is integral for me and that I don't think I can continue without it.

MoxieDoxie I definitely think the ask needs to come from the client, as there's too much risk of the therapist getting it wrong. There are clients where a hug could be destructive.


Anne2 As usual, your comments are very thought-provoking. I suppose, at the abstract level, his refusal hurts because I so very rarely ask for things – when I do ask something, and when I push it like now, it's because I feel it's absolutely essential and the relationship is in jeopardy. I've left quite a few jobs and friends because, when push came to shove, they just would not budge (but come to think of it, almost always found better jobs and friends because of it).

I don't have issues with people saying no, but I do have issues with how often people are willing to sacrifice their relationship with me because they won't change whatsoever, even when I tell them it will end their relationship with me. They always seem really shocked when I stop seeing them/quit, as if they didn't believe I would follow through. I'm baffled as to why this happens all the time with me. Hmmm......