Okay...well... I thought I would weigh in on this especially since I've made two serious attempts in the past. And like you if I look inside, in my case even for a short time, I'll find I'm still at least passively suicidal. (I have no plans to do anything about it.)

Of course your experience may be different than mine was. But, in my case, while it never would have occurred to me I might actually attempt suicide, what happened with me (or at least I think what happened, was that my suicidal thoughts built up over time, unbeknownst to me, to a point where on two occasions I got up in the morning & suddenly decided I was done with everything & I was going to do something about it. So I did. And this is at least a part of my concern, when I read a post written by someone who says they're having suicidal thoughts but they're not talking to anyone about them.

I definitely vote with the other members who have replied to your post & said you need to be talking with someone about this. If you feel you can't talk with your therapist or pdoc, then perhaps there is a trusted family member or friend? Or, as an alternative, if you're a student, perhaps a teacher? Or if you're a religious person, perhaps a member of your house of worship, so to speak, whatever that is? Or in the absence of anything else perhaps a crisis hotline? Of course if you're feeling seriously suicidal then going to the hospital is the thing to do.

The other thing here though is that it is true, I believe, how "intense" your suicidal thoughts are makes a difference. And this is something only you know. If you feel these thoughts are "compelling" then that certainly adds additional import to the situation. On the other hand if these are thoughts that don't seem to have any real power, they're more just irritating, then maybe it's not really all that big a deal.

You mentioned, in one of your replies, you wish there was another way. Assuming the thoughts you're having are of the not-intense not-compelling variety but rather just more idle thoughts that keep rattling around in your mind, so to speak, one possible way of addressing them might be to establish a journaling practice, perhaps paired with a meditation practice & maybe even some other things, assuming you're not already engaged in all of this, of course. Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on these subjects that perhaps may offer some suggestions:

The Health Benefits of Journaling

Journaling to Help Reduce Stress and Anxiety | Happily Imperfect

Using Journaling and Meditation to Reclaim Joy

4 Journaling Exercises to Help You Manage Your Emotions

Use Journaling to Gain Power, Insight, and Perspective | From the Desk to the Couch

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...nful-emotions/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/mille...om-depression/

My best wishes to you...