Have you called the social worker who is supposed to help you? (Unfortunately, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.)

Regardless of what you've heard about the hospital close to you, I strongly suggest that you check it out. If it doesn't feel right to you, leave.

I'll be honest. I am really concerned about you. You are making connections from one dysfunctional thought to another and spinning, spinning into a downward spiral. Not only is your mental health in danger, so is your physical health. My suggestion is that you stop overthinking everything and making illogical choices that are coming from a place of confused thinking, and reach out for help however and wherever you can...like, yesterday.