I don't really see the difference between people saying "no" to you and people doing "no" to you by not changing in the way you want them to. I will say "hmm" to noticing a pattern that seems to fit right in with the issue you are struggling with T. He won't change the way you want him to, so the ball is in your court. You can issue your ultimatum and then follow up by leaving, or you can accept that he's unwilling to give this to you. And what would that mean to you?

I think it's the interpretation you place on events or people, that if only he loved me properly, he would change for me (maybe I've gotten this wrong), that might be the problem. Is that really how you want things to be with the people you care about? What about if you could accept that he really values you AND he doesn't think providing hugs to you is the right thing to do? It doesn't have to be either/or; it can be both/and.

The strength of your reaction to this suggests it is juicy and meaningful in the way that overreactions often are. I know when I start overreacting that there's good stuff to get into. I'd suggest rather gently that if you can work this out and stay in therapy, or do something different than the "baffling" pattern you've experienced in your life, that may result in something very powerful. Good luck with whatever you choose to do. Thanks for sharing the important issue here and allowing us to learn along with you.