Im losing my mind over this whether he is or I am just paranoia or picking at nothing. Please bear with me whilst I explain as much as I can.

Me and my partner have been together for over 4 years now. We broke up last January when I found out he had been lying over money and took a loan out, I confronted him he got angry and I was the blame for our fight as 'I didn't believe him'. Then he admitted it, promised it was his only debt (he'd not been paying this loan off either...). A few days later I found out abou t2 more credit cards, a credit account and that he'd borrowed money off his family. I broke up with him for the lying.

6 months later we got back together and he'd promised never to lie or hide money issues again. January this year - he lied to my face almost exactly a year on about more debts.

We were saving up to move at the time, and he lied about putting money away when he hadn't saved up anything. Hed get angry and it always seemed to be my fault when we'd had an argument because I was the one who always seemed to bring it up.

8 months later and we are living together (two months in to our rental property). Hes gotten himself fin to some more money problems and having a hard time at work. Im trying my best to be supportive and help him out, not make it worse for him. However, I feel at the moment that I am at the receiving end of all the anger and frustration he has built up from his other life issues. To explain it the best I can - I feel like he has lost all compassion towards me, and spinning things around to deliberately hurt me. A few examples...

1. We'd moved in and within the second week he told me that he only had 30£ left in his account. I went ballistic obviously, it meant I had to pick up the rest of the bills and the food for the month. I have a 6 year old girl with my ex, and I have other priorities financially. He got very defensive and didn't take blame when I confronted him about being careless (he'd been on a stag do, spent loads on beer, bought new trainers, bought his dinner out at work instead of preparing food at home and bringing it in etc). He blamed other things and told me I wasn't being supportive. So I dropped the anger and listened and helped him instead. In the week that followed, Everytime we had a disagreement after that he'd blow up at me. So I told him this...

'You are being really defensive and angry when I confront you about things.'

Now, he has never said that about me, and I have never told him that either. In the days that followed, every time we had a disagreement or whatever, he looked me in the eyes and said...

'Why are you being so defensive?'

At first I was taken a back and surprised. But after the 2nd or third time he'd said it seems like he was using my line to get back at me, and spinning it around on me. For example, we have a system at the moment where if one does the cooking the other washes. It was late at night and it was his turn to wash the pots. He told me he was tired and needed sleep. I went in the kitchen before I retreated upstairs and looked at the pile of pots and felt really bad for him. So I filled the bowl up with soap and water to help out. 5 mins later he shouted me downstairs. He asked me if I filled the bowl up. I said yes. He just said "Don't do that again".

Again I was taken a back. I said sorry and I just wanted to help him. He said "No you didn't, you did it to prompt me to wash up..." (I genuinely didn't!). I tried to explain myself, and got very tearful about it. And he went to me...

"Why are you getting so defensive?"

2. I'd gone food shopping after the incident with the money, and sorted some family bits out and some bills. He was doing a dance performance that weekend, so I went along to support him. It was a big night for him. He told me he had gone out and got something to eat before with a friend and a pint. To say he only had £30 to last the month and I was picking the pieces up, I was annoyed but I didn't want to ruin his evening so I didn't say anything as he deserved the treat. On the way back home, he stopped at a store. I asked him what he was getting and he said 'beer'. I confronted him and said I thought he didn't have any money for food or bills? He said fine and drove off. It deeply upset me. When we got home he asked what was wrong. I told him I was upset, He got angry and blamed me for ruining his one night which was special. So I got angry back. Do you know what he shut me down with?

'why are you being so defensive?!'

3. I have recently gone vegan. He was supportive when I dropped meat and eggs but now I have dropped dairy it has seemed to really bother him. During the past week he has been slipping comments in like 'this chicken is to die for...' he has never said anything like that before about food, but he has said it a few times now. I have just ignored it. Last night we were talking about pies and he said it again. 'My mums beef pie is to die for.' then he stared me down. It was like he was awaiting a reaction from me. I stared back, hurt at the comment yes but I wasn't going to confront him about it.

I looked away and carried on with the cooking and he went 'what?' I said 'nothing'. He prompted me for about a minute until I said that I didn't necessarily want to hear about stuff like that. He shouted at me and went absolutely mental 'why do you take everything so personally?!' I said I dint and that I wouldn't have said anything but he pushed it out of me! He stormed off. Later when he calmed down I sat next to him and asked why he thought I took everything so personally, I didn't realise that I did, and if Iit was an issue that was affecting him I wanted to try and see how he felt so I could resolve it. He said that I was changing the subject and that we need to address what had happened in the kitchen not what had happened before now. I said well what else do I take personally? He got mad and said I was changing the subject again.

I confronted about the 'to die for comment'. He cut me off and said he has never said that before tonight. I said that he has and I feel like hes saying got to stir a reaction in me. He pretty much called me a liar and said I was making it up. Then he asked ME to give him an example (as I told him to give me an example about the 'taking things personally' comment). I said I couldn't give him one its not like I was writing it all down in a journal! he said its because he has never said it before...




Is this manipulation? These are a few very small examples of what he has been doing on a weekly, sometimes nightly basis and I don't know what to do about it. He's not a nice person to be around at the moment and I feel like i'm trapped and I cant confront him about it because he will turn it around somehow. My gut instinct is telling me that something isn't right, but my heads telling me that its probably me that's the cause and whose fault it is. I don't know. I love him but i'm sad that he has lost his compassion for me. It's like he doesn't care if i'm hurt at all. Is this manipulation what he's doing? there is so much more to it than this its loads of different situations. My head is spinning with getting to grips with it all.

Im sorry for the rant, I just need some clarity. I have been in an emotional abusive relationship before now ( to a greater extent) with my daughters dad, but never realised at the time when I was it in, only a year down the line after id left him. I don't want this one to go down the same road.