I am feeling bad that I am supposed to be visiting family and friends and my SO, but that I haven't felt up to doing much, and I know my moods have been difficult for my SO even if I am not taking them out on him. I don't think I am bringing any positives to my relationships right now, and even though I know people care and want to be there for me, it feels one sided and I just can't give anything. I am really lacking in any optimism or the ability to care although I am trying to push myself a little. Still making myself shower, eat. I know things may look different another day, but right now I just feel worse than before I ever sought help. Supposed to start my job next week, and while I should be excited, I mostly worry I won't be able to keep up in this mental state. I'll just have to try my best I guess.