(This is thesadgirl's new acct)

My question is: how do you know if you are coping or suppressing?

I know on some level something hurts. However I rarely feel anything. I've tried drinking, smoking pot, cigars, making new friends, getting away, you name it. Nothing makes me feel. I just woke up because I also sleep to cope. Only in my dreams do things feel quite right.

I'm not sure if I am not as bothered by certain things as I thought I was and perhaps that bothers me in itself. OR maybe I am so bothered that I can't cope and all I'm left with is sort of a numb feeling.

I feel like I'm the conductor of the crazy train, but the train is driving me. I am trying to learn to process feelings (borderline) but I just dont get it!