I don't think it's so much a feeling that you deserve the pain, rather, it is familiar and what is familiar is comforting to us. It is a paradox, yes. I've found that when the abuse or abuser is removed it leaves a void that you now have to fill with something positive. It takes a lot of emotional energy to deal with abuse/abuser, and now there is a blank space. Slipping back into the abused role is comforting in a way because it's what you know. Does this make sense?

I am dealing with this myself right now. I think we can heal from this, it just takes time and patience.