Yeah, my first response has been crying and my second response is that my desire to SH has been pretty strong but I'm resisting that at least at the moment. It took me a long time to open up and trust my former T but once I did we were able to have a relationship that was really positive. I was able to talk to her about painful things in my life, things I've never told anyone else and able to take away some of the sting of those things by just talking about them and processing them. I have a lot better handle on my emotions than I used to. I used to be so afraid of anger that I wouldn't let myself get angry but now I can tolerate some anger in me and that's a good thing. I learned anger itself isn't bad, it's what you do with it. I think I learned I'm stronger than I think I am. I'm better at standing up for myself and I'm better at knowing what I want and asking for it. Its hard to process all the things we worked on and the things that I'm better at now than I was because the grief of losing her is in the way but I think with time some more of that will come. I'm trying to practice good self care right now, trying to be gentle with myself and give myself time to be sad but also make myself be around others and not hibernate.