Half-hour scheduled (and paid) phone session with T while I was on vacation with H, D, and my parents (staying together in same condo). I planned to drive to a nearby shopping center to take the call (and do shopping!) Call was scheduled for 1. As I was driving there, at noon, my phone rang. It was T. Me: "I thought our session was at 1?" T: "What? I can't hear you!" Finally got across that I thought session was 1, not 12. He looked and said I was right, he'd call me back at 1.

I found a quieter area in shopping center where reception on my phone was good. There was a bench, but it was right outside of a kids' clothing store, so I opted to sit in a different area on the ground. A guy walking by asked if I was OK, and I said yes, he moved along. T called right at 1. I explained the shopping center situation and said how I realized this is the first time I'd talked to him on the phone since we'd set up my first session. His voice sounded a bit different on the phone.

He apologized for calling at the wrong time before, and said he actually had a client in the waiting room when he called me (whoops!) I said it was OK and then...for some reason I apologized, maybe because he couldn't hear me in the car? I think really I was just nervous and feeling sort of awkward. T: "I assume you got down there OK." Me: "Yes, made it through [tough part of drive]. I did hold the stone for that part and I think it helped. Haven't touched it otherwise during trip." T: "OK." I said trip had actually been going fairly well, that I'd been trying to be upfront about needing alone time, like "I'm going to go read in my room now." That I thought some of what we'd talked about had helped, like about the LT dictatorship. He said good.

I said I was trying to figure out what to talk about. Around this moment, I was concerned that a bunch of time had passed. I looked at my Fitbit--it had been 4 whole minutes. T said maybe we could talk about my being upset Sunday night (which I'd emailed him about--H and D had gone to the vacation Sunday morning, and I waited to go till Monday morning). I said I'd been thinking of that. How I wondered if maybe it was that I just missed D and H. And I felt like I'd wanted the extra time to relax after a stressful week, but then I just felt sad and lonely.

T asked if I'd been bored at the time. I said kinda. And how I'd tried to do different things, but not much interested me. He said boredom can lead to feelings like I had. I said it was also difficult because I'd been so busy with work the week leading up to the trip, then suddenly had nothing to do. T said going from being really busy to nothing can be really difficult, too, so maybe that was part of it. And how maybe it would have helped if I'd had more of a plan for what to do with the time. I said that made sense.

I said on my way to shopping center, H had texted me about how he called my dad out on basically mocking D when she was upset about something (long story). T asked how my dad reacted, and I said H said he'd been surprised that it bothered him. T said that most times when people do stuff like that, it's because they're clueless rather than intentionally being an a**hole. Me: "Good, because I'd rather think of my dad as clueless than an a**hole."

Around this time, the guy who'd asked if I was OK came by again. He asked again, I said I was OK. He was like, "Are you sure? You're sitting on the ground. Why not the bench?" Me: "I'm fine, really. I'm talking to...I'm on the phone." (I realized that saying I was talking to my therapist probably wouldn't help my "I'm fine!" case. I considered saying I was on phone with friend, but was afraid of how T would react to that.) I finally managed to convince him, and he gave me knuckles. I explained to T and apologized. T: "It's good to know there are still people who care out in the world."

Me: "There was something else my dad did that bothered me. Hm...maybe things haven't been going as well as I'd thought." I told T how D is allergic to cashews and pistachios (had a reaction once, plus tested positive for allergy). The day before, when D was out with H, my dad put some mixed nuts (including cashews) on a napkin and was like, "D's not here, I can finally eat some nuts." I was like, "It's really better not to, to be safe." Dad: "She's not here,it's fine." Me: "I just worry about dust from them being around. I have her epipen with us, and I'd rather not have to use it." I forget what he said to that.

T said he seemed very cavalier about it. Me: "Yes. And I mean, like it was this huge thing for him not to eat nuts for a few days while D was there. And it feels like he's putting that above her safety." T said maybe I needed to have a conversation with him about it, talking about her first reaction to cashews, the risks with nuts,etc. I said I wouldn't want to have the conversation on vacation,but do think I need to talk to him. That maybe he thinks I'm just overreacting, but nut allergies can be a big deal. T agreed.

I said we don't have any of the nuts she's allergic to in our house. That we do have peanut butter, but are careful with that, even though she tested negative and even passed a peanut challenge. I said the challenge was kinda funny, because it involved her eating one Reese's Pieces (Piece?), then having to wait a half hour to see if she reacted. Which...you're giving a 5-year-old a single piece of candy then saying they have to wait? T laughed and said, "That's weird they had her do that. You'd think they'd do something more...scientific."

I hadn't felt that connected to T on the call before that--he didn't seem as real to me on the phone. But his laughing made me feel like it was actually him on the other end of the phone.

Talked about some other stuff regarding my dad. And my wondering, as we'd discussed in a recent session, if he'd been like that to me as a kid, too, only I hadn't remembered it. T said it was possible. I said how being on vacation with them...it was one thing when just me, or even me and H. But with D there, it's all these other levels, seeing how they interact with her, react to me (and H) parenting her, etc. How if D's upset, my mom will often laugh, and my dad will sometimes do the mocking thing. I talked about my wanting to stick up for her to my parents and maybe overidentifying (my word) with her at times.

T said it can be helpful to stick up for her, and a term that's often used for things like that is "reparative." That I can't go back to when I was a kid and change how I reacted, but could be helpful now for me to speak up for D. I said that made sense, how it could be healing in a way.

I noticed we were almost out of time. I said how I'd been having fun with H on the trip. T: "Is D having fun?" Me: "Yes, for the most part." T: "Good!" Confirmed Tuesday, said I'd email about session later next week (we ended up scheduling for Friday). Me: "It's been good talking to you. This helped, even though the week is mostly going OK. I mostly wanted it in case things were going to hell, like I called it a 'release valve' to H." T: "I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip." Me: "Thanks." T: "Take care." Me: "You too."