I'm so sorry, I know what it's like to lose a good friend too and feel a lot of the things you feel... I don't know what to say to help you feel better. I can't imagine anything someone could have said to me when I feel like that to make it better. Just... try not to give up completely. If you never give yourself a chance to find friends or more then it definitely won't happen and you'll just self-defeat in that way. I know how hard it is not to give up though, it's not easy to find the will to keep trying.