First thing, (((HUGS)))

I don't have much wisdom or intuitive suggestions to help, but I can relate. As a fellow bulimia sufferer I am in the exact same situation as you in my own life with my own T. Your post struck me like a chord played in a song that makes your body go numb from all the chills you feel that run from the top of your spinal cord down through every nerve of your toe. I was not expecting to feel this way yesterday when I clicked on your post. I'm struggling through my past couple of days of relapsing after being good for almost a full 6 days. (My longest relapse stretch.) I wish I could say I've had a few months of remission, but in reality the best I've been so far is 3 1/2 weeks, as of a few weeks back, and ever since then it's been a few days to a week without B/P only to keep falling flat on my face. I haven't told my T of all my relapses, but I try too. I get nervous though and have the same exact feelings and thoughts you described. Even though I know that is what my T is there for it's still difficult when I feel like this is just another person I'm going to disappoint in my life and she'll leave once she realizes how helpless I am. I keep telling myself to go to my next therapy session because right now that is what is pulling me through. It would be too easy to walk away from T. So, if I have anything of use to offer you MoxieDoxie, it would be to keep pushing through to your next session with your T and try your best to open up about your relapses. These relapses want us to shut down and shut everyone else out. That is how bulimia gets us where it wants us so it can continue to kill us. All I truly know though is I've been battling this bulimia demon for 15 years now and I can't keep doing it. It has to stop. One way or another. I wish you the best in your next appt. with trying to let T in more. My next appt. is tomorrow as well.