Bottom line is: healthy relationships involve respect at all times. If respect is on and off, you are in toxic relationship. When confronted, a toxic person DENIES and turns it all around on you, just as you are anticipating. In a toxic/unhealthy/abusive relationships, your upset feelings, when expressed, are never valid and are never validated OR respected. You are not allowed to say "ouch", and the abuser will look for ways to turn it all around on you, leaving YOU feel like you're at fault and therefore, guilty of even having feelings.

Perhaps instead of looking for abuse, read up on toxic and unhealthy relationship characteristics. This is a very toxic relationship, from what I have read and heard.

That being said, here's an article on subtle signs of abuse:

10 Subtle Signs of Emotional Abuse | eharmony Advice