I took him back after he apologised and tried to explain himself, and I opened my heart and thought maybe I didn't support him enough when he was going through a hard time, and that's why he lied (I know lying is not excusable under any circumstances). I know relationships aren't all one sided with flaws, I looked in to mine and realised I could have made myself more approachable when it came to his issues, rather than being an angry hot head all the time. I am not perfect, far from it and I don't feel like I was back then or fully there for him either. I think I did it for me as well you know? I was so angry, full of spite at him. That 6 months break I changed and grew cold as a person. I thought the only way to get over this was to drop it and forgive him. I feel it was the right decision to forgive at the time, I am still grateful now I allowed myself that experience. I would have been very sick if I kept on to that anger. The second time he did it (a mere 6 months later) I did not feel anger. Just pity for him.

I wanted to give him a chance to learn from his mistakes. If he doesn't have that chance, he cannot try to learn. Im quite a compassionate and try to be understanding as I can as a person. I did take him back fully knowing that there was a strong chance of him doing this again. I told my friends this when they questioned it. I knew this might have happened when we moved in together, I wanted to give him the chance to learn and to grow too. As it turns out, He is not learning and growing, the past two months have proved that.

However, this time around I feel I have learnt and grew enough to know that I am doing everything I can. I think i'm just recognising it now because I am started to eliminate the factors that put it all down to being my fault. I know now, that the effort that have been made on my part have been made to the max. I cannot do anymore. Moneywise, he takes me for advantage. The holiday thing, where he didn't offer me his share of the bill and is a recent thing (two weeks ago). I'm recognising this behaviour will not change as I have experienced it multiple times now.

I am aware, I am not blind. However, I have only just recently opened my eyes to the rest of this mess. The manipulation and who he is as a person. That I have been blind to and its a lot to take in.

I'm starting to realise that I cannot do anymore for him. He's only just gone to the credit union to ask for help when I have been asking him to do this since January. Countless excuses that he didn't have the time or that I was nagging too much as 'he will get around to it.' He's gone this time off his own back. I fear that it's because he is in a situation now where he is 'independant' (I say this loosely!!) and his mum cant feed him or pay his rent for him. Selfish.