I called the pdoc office yesterday and lucked out and got an appointment for this afternoon. My original appt was for next month, but I’ve been having some problems with my anxiety and it’s been affecting my work. I’m a speech and language pathologist, so I work pretty closely with students and their parents and teachers. I go to a lot of meetings, which I am generally pretty nervous about just at my baseline, but I can usually keep it together w/o anyone knowing. But I have been getting so nervous lately that I’m rambling and laughing and trying to make these stupid jokes to cover up the weirdness of it all. There were 2 lawyers at a meeting last week, and they just stared at me like...”WTH?” Half the time, I’m nervous to come out of my office.

Earlier this week, a student was telling me about how she gets nervous to get off the bus and come in to the school —- how she feels uncomfortable the entire day — and it doesn’t go away until she gets off the bus at home. Her little face was all red and her eyes were teary and she was wringing her hands the whole time she was talking in this little shy voice, and IDK why but it just got to me and I started crying right there in front of her. It was just so sad to see this precious little girl dealing with these same feelings, and I think I just overidentified with her, and.... ugh. I apologized and tried to make it less awkward for her — and I let the school psych know about the situation and why I reacted that way — and she followed up with her and said everything was fine. But I still feel like an *ss.

I understand why I can’t be on fluoxetine anymore, but I am slowly losing my ability to deal with these feelings. I hope there is something the pdoc can prescribe today that will help.