KnitChick;

I agree about being unemployed and to me "red flag" only means stop and consider. For example, when I met him, he was only unemployed for a year.

You are right regarding what he is and what I miss. He is not:

• Physically abusive.
• Mentally abusive.
• Drug user.
• Alcoholic or even a heavy drinker.
• Materialistic.

The bullet I dodged really was not an STD. Rather, its his dream of having a very long-term relationship and a family with at least one child. When we talked about this, I was pragmatic: yes, but its not practicable until he has a job and my business can well support children, and this is at least 5 years before I would be comfortable. In fact, one of the last things he mentioned to was wanting a child.

So, he told me that his reasons where the 16 year age-gap and his future fear of being left alone, and my not actively talking about children. However, he loves cats and I was about to surprise him with this adorable little semi-feral tabby that I fully tamed. In fact, the cat very much reminded me of him: small, friendly and needy.

What I like about this board is getting varying advice which allows us to process all option.

I am actually doing reasonably well all things considered. My insurance does not cover my psychiatrist (Bipolar management) and fairly far away, and my physiologist (local support, same city) I can't afford more than one session of either per month -- I alternate. However, my insurance does cover a local psychologist, I did find who who specializes in grief and loss.

Like here, I will have the best of both worlds: one psychologist who focuses on the future and a complete break with the past, and one that will allow me to express what I saw in my ex-Boyfriend.

Thanks again,

John

PS - I am actually in a much better state than I thought I would be!