It's been a long time since self injury has brought me any kind of relief. I haven't done it in a month, which is good, at least it's good to anyone but me.

I haven't been able to get it out of my head. It's not that it makes me feel better, it's that I deserve all of the pain I can get. I can't quit thinking about, dreaming about it... it's become an obsession.

That and I've been purposely making myself uncomfortable, get yelled at and placed myself in front of car the other day. It's not that I want to die. Yes, I think about committing suicide but I'm not going to do it. It's just that I want to get hurt, somehow.

I don't think I can keep fighting this off.