It really doesn't matter what you call it, emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, passive aggressive behavior...you don't deserve to be treated this way!! So stop getting all caught up in what you should call it.

You deserve to be loved, respected and supported by a partner who is willing to put in the effort and pull their weight in the relationship in all areas. Not just when it suits him or he feels like maybe he might lose you so he has to scramble to show you what he is capable of but too lazy and doesn't give a **** about doing most of the time.

He hasn't changed in 4 years and has no reason to change because you take it from him and stick around. You basically have 2 choices, suck it up and deal with it or do something to make a change for the better because he certainly has proven he isn't going to.