I didn't fit in very well when I was the same age. I was too different when it came to gender and sexuality. And I was in the arts, so it doesn't make sense that it was so weird. And then being dumped after four years by someone partially because of the same things and being accused that I don't know who I am when I do...just I'd rather be what he likes and be accepted than be myself and not be.

So now I have a lot fewer options for a future relationship because I'm just too different. Imagine that I have to find someone who finds me attractive, sees value in me as a partner, AND accepts my sexuality and gender identity and how that informs my personality and identity.

I ache for a time and place where I can actually be out full time. I can be out around certain people and I can be out at a gay bar (although I don't feel comfortable going there alone yet), but that's it. And that's how it's always been.