I had no idea where to put this, I hope it's in the right place. I'm having a very rough night My chest physically hurts from all the sadness and emptiness I'm feeling right now. I lost the only friend I had, I explained that in a different topic, and now here I am, all by myself, wishing I had someone to talk to, someone that would understand me the way my friend did, someone that would laugh at my bad jokes, someone that would tell me they love me even if I don't love myself. Tears are falling down my face as I write this, I feel so miserable, so alone. All my life the only thing I ever wanted was to feel loved and believe me, I tried so hard to find that love... I went to the extreme of allowing myself to be mistreated and humiliated for the love of someone that didn't love me at all. I'm here, all alone, looking back at my life and all I see is emptiness. If I died tonight no one would even notice my absence. I have nowhere to go, no one to meet, no one to chat to. I'm also a failure, I'm not good at anything. Most people my age have found their talents, their passions... Some paint, others sing, some have become doctors, others are starting their own companies, getting married, planning on having kids. Here I am, watching behind a laptop screen, wishing that was me. It will never happen though, I know it won't because my disability stops me from enjoying life, I can't even go to the grocery store around the block without being in excruciating pain, who will want to share their life with someone who lives in pain? Someone who, most of the times, can't join in on the fun? I'm a loser, I hate every fiber of my being, I feel disgust when I think about myself, I feel nauseous whenever I look in the mirror, I don't even look in the mirror when I take off my clothes to shower because I know I will get sick just by looking at my disgusting naked body. Some people say that all that stuff about no one being able to love you if you don't love yourself is bs, I'm starting to think it isn't. I can't imagine anyone loving a human being that hates their own self this much. When I talk about love I'm not talking exclusively about romantic love, I'm talking about all types of love. I don't even know why I wrote this. I guess I just wanted someone to talk to, to get this off my chest... I feel so pathetic, I even tried Tinder to see if I would get lucky and would find someone to have a nice conversation with... lol... Only one match and even that one ignored me I'm pathetic. I guess the only thing I have left to do is take my sleeping pills, hope they somehow will mask the horrible physicall pain I'm feeling because of my illness and maybe then get some sleep...