It's hard not to think about what a crazy situation he is in....then I was thinking back to how my Mothers cognative abilities were so bad after I was sure she had a mild stroke......then I started thinking about the fact that he really can't think normally & he used to not be this horrible....I mean he was bad but not this bad.

I got an email from him yesterday telling me that I was making way too much out of his mistake on the taxes....I didn't make anything out of the mistake....I made everything out of the fact that he didn't communicate to me......his mind is so far gone, it's scarry.

Then I thought back to when I was in California & he was always dropping things & couldn't handle things.....he's gotten real clutzy......along with the mind really going & the fact that his blood pressure was so high because he had refused to go to a Dr & pay for the meds when he didn't have insurance....he still doesn't have the medicare yet, but I forced him to go to the county clinic when I was in California before Christmas.

Wondering if he might have had a mild stroke that he didn't really know about.....that could have also been why he didn't feel like doing anything & it could have been more than just depression.

Mind you....this doesn't mean that I feel sorry for him & want to go back to living around him.....but if there is a reason....maybe he will be a better person, knowing there is a cause for the horrible way he's acting.

He said that he knows something is wrong (when I was in California), but not willing to cope with anything. In some ways I hope there is a reason he is being such a horrible human being.

I am enjoying my life here....I met a friend who works at a craft store....she is the one that got me started going to the womens bible study.....we went to lunch & a movie on Friday & went back to her house & chatted until midnight.......I have found a true kindred spirit which is awsome (plus we have marriage issues in common.....her's is an ex now).

I decided to get a new look & have an appointment to get my hair cut on Monday morning. Looking forward to the new me......it's a good time for that too, since I need to get my KY drivers license & didn't like the horrible way my hair looks.

Got a burst of energy & got a my kitchen cupboards cleaned & lined......but stayed up all night doing it, so exhausted now after sending one more email to my in laws with my latest thoughts about their son & that they really need to care about him.

I am overloaded with my doggies however.....I keep trying to make the clean-up easier, but it's such a mess with them peeing all over their crates. I put plastic on the floor so the pee wouldn't mess up the epoxy that has started coming off.....I thought that was going to work real well, but when I moved the crates into place, it scraped the plastic & made small holes where the pee goes through. I just purchased some vinyl runners now to I can put the crates on them. I will keep trying something until I find the answer....but I'm exhausted cleaning up after my babies this much. It's too cold to let them very long.....& I get involved in working on the house & forget to let them out for potty walks. The puppy crates are huge & they run around in them, but then I have to clean up the mess.

Everytime I turn around, my other 4 are making a mess too. let them out every few hours, but when I miss, & want them to use the puppy pads, they ALWAYS MISS & hit the floor or the carpet.

I'm exhausted emotionally & physically...& this week is dedicated to workig with the IRS, so emotionally, I am stressed on top of exhaustion. I don't so much care what happens to my husband, but would hate to be holding onto some important information or idea that might be the key to him getting the help he really needs. I may truely hate his actions, but I would like to see him get help he needs.

Debbie