I always thought I was a feelings kind of person. I was wrong. I have always been an emotional person because I was getting emotional instead of feeling, I guess, maybe that's what that word means, I was always emoting them instead of feeling them?? After I felt them for awhile sitting outside by myself earlier, then the tears came but gently and soothingly instead of uncontrollable feeling and they kinda washed away the sadness? I don't know if I described that right. It's different is all I know. Different to have the tears come after I've sat with my difficult/uncomfortable feelings, instead of right at the outset and then not feeling them. this is confusing.

ohhhhh. i understand.... i had to do it that way. i learned growing up that feelings were bad, feelings were wrong, feelings were not allowed so I had to get them away from me so I wouldn't be bad and that was how I did it.... ooooohhhhhh.....