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Originally Posted by Skeezyks
Thanks for sharing this.  I can't say I've had this exact problem... I don't think. But to be honest it's difficult to tell since I'm not sure I understand quite what this is all about.  At one point, you mentioned having been embarrassed about one of the items you became obsessed with. But it doesn't sound as though that was the case with all of the things you've become obsessed with. Still... you didn't mention what any of them were... or are. So I don't know. Apparently there's perhaps at least some small bit of embarrassment attached to all of them? 
I have experienced something similar to the problem you describe. But in my case it was clearly always related to embarrassment.  I know exactly why I reacted the way I did. And it makes sense to me. From what you wrote, it sounds like you don't know why you've had the experiences you've had with this & why they have happened. 
Perhaps this is all something that is related to OCD? I don't know if that is something you've been diagnosed with. I also don't know if you see a therapist. But, if you do, perhaps this is something it would be worthwhile to explore with that person? From what you wrote, it sounds as though you're still struggling with this after 15 years of battling it. So it may be unlikely to simply disappear on its own.   |
I suppose there has been embarrassment attached to all of them, but different levels of embarrassment, depending on the subject. The ones I had when I was a kid, my parents knew about and to some of them were known to the other kids at school and the teachers. But they didn't know the extent of them. I wasn't really embarrassed by the obsessions themselves but by how deep they went (I think).
As I got into my teens I developed 2 types of obsessions: the acceptable ones, which were for certain bands and video games. All teenage girls are obsessed with a certain band then move onto another and another so that was normal and I didn't hide that. But then there was the obsessions for other things which I was embarrassed about and had to hide. That was when the hiding really started.
Actually one of my first obsessions (with a certain animal) I never tried to hide and I had this teacher who yelled at me because she was sick of hearing about them, sick of me drawing them and pretty much banned me from doing anything that involved them. Maybe this started off the shame part of it? That people don't care about my obsessions and don't want to hear about them, and that I should keep them to myself.
And no I don't see any therapists.