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Feeling very blue and down with the coming autumn.
Back to my job, back to my city and I feel blue as hell. I try to look for good omens, I try to be positive, but it does not work all that much.
I always get this "post-travel blues". I experienced it before... but now...
I do spend the summer in Ukraine (again. Seriously, Poroshenko should just give me job at ministry of tourism and free pass at Ukrainian railways), which may be partly frollicking around beautiful Eastern Europe... and well party visiting military hospitals with bags of gifts and food (I learned by now not to cry... or faint...) and going to places uncomfortably close to frontlines (Mariupol - about 20 km), just to show the people "I am not afraid to come here". I have been activisting for the country for four long years……….. and it’s a long long time. It is slowly wearing me down, I am afraid. I feel certainly tired and the end is nowhere near, so I have to continue on.
So well, now I am back home from places, safe, unharmed... well, but some places have effect on you and haunt you. I cannot shake of some places... but in a way, I wanna find the quickest route to go back, to see them once more, to be there.
Sure, I love my city, where I live, I love my job and all.... but once again, it all feel oh-so-shallow. I need to get back into my activism with my people.
So I am basking in my worries about people I met, about people I know... too dark stuff.
Probably not depression per se, just some kind of trauma, world blue.
But so hard to get out of it.
And now first time I feel happy is for all the wrong reasons. It's rather gleeful over rather horrible things. Oh well. Life made me cynical.
They would understand in Mariupol, 20 km away from warzone. But here, it is so much harder to fit back in.
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Glory to heroes!
HATEFREE CULTURE
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