Quote:
Originally Posted by feralkittymom
I'm really surprised by the number of people who will routinely wait long periods of time. For me, the 20 min wait is assuming I've been notified of a delay. If there's no notification, 10 min is the max I'll wait. I wouldn't be willing to wait as a repeated occurrence because it would feel to me that I was being repeatedly disrespected. I had enough of that behavior growing up; don't need/want to accept more of it now. It's an issue of self-care and esteem that would undermine whatever therapeutic benefit I'd get from the therapy. (With non mental health providers, it's more consumer-driven for me). And I would not expect any provider to keep my appt if I were so late without explanation--and both my GP and dentist have policies to automatically cancel appts for patient lateness beyond 15 min. So to me it's an equal consideration.
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Yes! Thinking more... I would not wait longer than 15 mins without being notified for a therapist either, and that is if it happened once. No way I would regularly see any professional (not just T, literally anyone) who habitually made me wait more than 5 mins without a reason and notifying me. I did say earlier that I waited 1-2 hours for professionals (not Ts) occasionally - that is only when I already know them and trust that the quality of their work is stellar and I would be happy in the end, it is just less time/energy consuming than rescheduling and going back another time for the same service. I am willing to sacrifice attitude for quality, but not in severe and habitual manner.
Being on time is something I feel very strongly about and take seriously myself; I am almost never late unless something really unexpected comes in the way, and even then, I notify whoever I had an appointment with as soon as possible, preferentially still long enough before the scheduled appointment. For me this has nothing to do with being disrespected and treated unreliably growing up though, more the opposite. My parents, especially my father (the parent who had the biggest influence on me in many ways) always taught me to be respectful of others' time and effort and I can't recall a single case when I was stood up or made to wait long by anyone in my family or even by any important adult in my childhood. So in this case I guess I just picked up being punctual from them/those experiences. I remember dumping a boyfriend in my teens who was late more than a twice without a reason and thought it was no big deal. So, given all this, I am also always a bit surprised how people tolerate being chronically late from a therapist, even if they make up the time at the end of the sessions! I do tolerate some lateness in my academic life and from my own clients when it is ingrained part of the local "culture" and I know about it, but nothing extreme.
ETA: For me, I think what has added to my feeling so strongly about responsible treatment of schedules, meetings, deadlines etc is also coming from the years in my 30's when I struggled with alcoholism. I became what I still see as a manipulative, unreliable, shape shifting and lying monster during the worst of those times, just because I either wanted to drink or was sick with hangovers/withdrawals. It was the worst part of addiction for me (even before the scary health effects) - self-degrading my default work ethic and sense of responsibility on my own, without no other reason but my addictive urges/behaviors. It also helped me quit and recover eventually though because I just could not look in the mirror and face that irresponsible, chronically lying version of myself anymore - it was the worst cognitive dissonance I had ever experienced. With my sober perception now, I understand how one can become irresponsible and disrespectful, even that some people just never even developed otherwise, but it still irritates me whenever I need to deal with it.