When a woman applies for a job at a citrus grove, the foreman asks, "Do you have any experience picking lemons?"

"Well," she answers, "I've been divorced three times."

A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor diagnoses him as a kleptomaniac.

"Really?" the guy says. "Is there anything I can take for it?"

I love the self-checkout aisle at my supermarket. The only problem comes when I leave an item on the scanner too long and the robo-voice scolds, "Please move your whole milk" [or whatever] to the bagging area. Ordinarily, I just ignore it. But on my last shopping trip, I moved fast when the voice began shouting, "Please move your pork butt."