I never wanted or thought I would ever live this long. I used to have this feeling like I should have died years ago, it never happened. I am so tired, I feel like my life is just a dream that I half remember. I get up in the morning, earlier than needed, usually with a bad headache and very little sleep. I struggle to get my self up and ready to go to work, struggle through the day remembering what I need to do, come home and a few hours later I struggle to go to sleep and the cycle starts over once again.

Like now I sit here struggling to type something when I should be in bed sleeping so I can wake up for work in the morning. But I couldn't sleep and I have nothing to say. At least nothing I can say on these forums.

The realization of who I truly am has always scared me. I have tried to hide from it or pretend it didn't exist but none of it works. I start to realize who I am and it makes no sense that I am alive or should be.

But now, I will try and go to sleep, hope I don't wake up, but will and start the cycle all over again in the morning...